- wanezrqweblogging -

hmm..just finished the last episode of ‘the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya’(highly recomended to those anime fans out there) last friday, right after berbuka puasa with frens from back at pasum days..also kinda calmed myself down a little. got myself someone to show me my ‘it’ again..after so long. and luckily now am trying to get over things one at a time.

first thing’s first : settle my never-ending que of assignments. now that its down to only one, i can hope to focus and finish it before raya comes. speaking of raya, to tell the truth, i’m not much of a raya eve person myself..well, atleast not lately. and i’m not going to bring it up here why or how. period.

okay. then after the pending works, i need to start and begin my semester long studies of every single subject which as most can say i ‘missed’ the whole time; that is a lot of studying to do.. *sigh~*

now that some of you are reading this, i’d like to wish the default raya greetings to all, together with the maaf zahir batin thingy..

( warning : if you’re not the busy-body type of person that you are denying to be, then leave this blog post alone. seriously.)

..lost.

oftenly disoriented. out of focus. lost in own space. being judgemental. emotionally unstable. sceptic. improperly unorganized. for these few months as a student living the ‘menara gading’ life malaysian-style, i lived a lie. a big one. wearing a fake smile everyday, from the moment of waking up right to the second of shutting my eyes for each and every day could be very tiresome, sometimes.

all this while, the whole past three semesters, the moment i set foot in this so-called varsity life, tho with all the stuff & equipments i’ve brought along, i felt like there’s something is missing, like a missing link that holds my sanity in place; making me feel like i am not prepared to face the whole world staring right at me. yet at the time i still went on with the flow, doing things as they were aught to be, eventhough not knowing what the missing ‘thing‘ was.

from then on i kept on continuing everyday knowing that none of the days i woke up in the morning(maybe sometimes in the afternoon =p) as a complete me, and still not even a single clue of what the ‘thing’ i miss was.

no doubt that ‘it’ was missing. i just know it. ‘it’ used to cheer me everytime ‘it’ is there. the ‘thing’ that helped me go through the 5years in boarding school. ‘it’ kept me my sanity. ‘it’ nurtured me. fed me with nearly all that life has to offer. ‘it’ made me feel like i am needed. created a feel that i wanted to go through life. ‘it’ helped me grow into a person. a real one. well, at least ‘it’ did, back then.

..found.

not until recently though, i just realized what ‘it’ was. without this ‘it’ i lost myself. without ‘it’ i fake myself to be someone else. without ‘it’ i silently lost my sanity. (in my alasan) which in return flunk my finals. and with bad results came the heavy pressures in every single form. those which i tend to unconsiously slap the tension back at others unintentionally, slowly driving people away from me.

..lost. again.

and to add to my continuous grief, knowing what the missing ‘thing’ comes together with the fact that ‘it’ is at a state of being gone forever(if not for a long time), never again to reappear in this lifetime. at least not for me that is. for things must go on in life. and i can’t run away from that.

but maybe someday it’ll be back. and i hope it will. i guess.

and i am not sure what i’m writing here. i guess. again. ignore.

*sigh~*

hurmm..is it true? that age-old saying of people from the west. maybe it is-ever since the moment the first apple jatuh terjelepuk directly on mr newton’s forehead i guess. and since it’s been applied in almost every single physics’ law ever known to man, maybe he’s correct.

however, i think i’d like to add another possibility; what goes up (fast), must come down (fast)..hehe~

i think this is another lesson that the AlMighty God wants to teach me these while im still growing up(as in growing mature-er) as a teenager in this yet to be deciphered complicated life.

Last sunday, i was asked to go berbuka at my aunt’s house somewhere in sg buloh. being ‘enthusiastic’ enough to finish assignments and study for the upcoming finals(konon), i decided not to follow my parents in the car, for history teaches me that they never return home early after a family gathering-it runs in the family..urmm, make that a ‘we’ =P

so then i was, rempit-ing straight to sg buloh, using the highway(cant remember the name-the one with the famous restoran jejantas..) avoiding the many konar2 along the way. of course, the constant straight road is a real catalyst to, maybe, speed up a little, right through the sg buloh toll booth. but, there’s a catch. i, being an x-kusessian for quite a while, there’s been not enough reasons for me to jejakkan my kaki to kuala selangor. n if ade pun, i’d get there by another road or just by tumpang-ing a friend.

now focus ezariq. tell the story ezariq… good.

sorry people.

ok. i was riding my moto, zooming right through the toll booth(apparently two-wheelers do’nt have to pay the toll =D) right up until i suddenly realize that the simpang i was supposed to use was turned into a temporary bridge with a ridiculous 60degree turn(well, not quite, but i just love exaggerating). what’s more, the area was still under construction(since like, ever!!) with the pasir and batu kerikil all over the place. so, being a little bit over the recomended speed limit, i lost control of my bike and the next thing i knew, i was grieving over my very ugly-scratched right-side, of my bike that is. sedeyh woo..

then the whole ride through(i continued straight to my aunt’s place) i kept thinking about how to explain and correct things for i just had it painted about a month ago. so sad.

not until i reached the door steps i realized that my right shoe and pants(from knee to bottom) were, what you can say ‘totaled’. come to think about it, i survived the wreck with just some minor bruises sana-sini, but still enough to encourage me to ponteng kelas the next day =P

so in the end i guess i should have remembered to be more careful with the bike on the road(just like a friend who sms-ed me so), if not for me, atleast i’ll try to do it for the sake of my beloved peeps out there. insya’allah.. =)