- wanezrqweblogging -

help me decide wehhhh..!!!!

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think i’ve lost my momentum of writing anything on this blog.

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‘..demotivated.‘, they say.

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****maybe its the numorous views.

****maybe its the very few respondents commenting.

****maybe ive been so very busy(not again..).

****maybe too many things have happened around me, but too little time which equals to no post at all.

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been thinking of moving to blogspot.com.. da ade account da.. da lame da pun..just that tak start lagi because thinking that maybe most ‘friendster people’ dont do blogspots. so, what do you think?

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comments people..please.

sorry guys but after reading whatever i’ve written down for part two of this story, somehow i found that none of it was ever possibly to be posted here due to the gruesome scenes and violence it may portray to the young minds. so it’ll end here.

sorry again.

but who actually am i apologizing to?

i’ve got no obligations to write or not to write, do i?

owh yeah. my fans and my friends. i’ll definitely write for them. something. soon. i think.
=)

[saturday gone away]

today unlike all the other normal saturdays, we(some few hundreds engineering students of univ malaya) have to attend this so-called ‘corporate seminar’ which starts early in the morning. yes. have to attend. and yes. early in the morning. at least to me it is early; 9am to be exact =P

about the seminar.

it is another forced wajib compusory thing to do(owh how can i emphasize more on the must do part) when you’re an engineering student in UM. basically, its an almost 4hour talk on engineering job market in the malaysian industry, given by three very high profile people from their own territory they handle with professionalism. its supposed to be something useful like for an example an opportunity for the students to gain some insights of the L.I.(latihan industri @ industrial training) that we’re supposed to be doing in a few months time.

honestly speaking, i am not interested at all. not interested in a sense that when you come for a talk/seminar/class hoping to acquire valuable information but somehow in the process kinda gave up when those bigshots just tried to selit2 bits of messages promoting their company on how successful they are. luckily presenter#3 did gave out a few very useful tips and quotes that might come in handy someday. very good indeed. i listened eagerly on everything he said which seemed so true and useful. but up to a point where he said something bad about Proton, our malaysian car manufacturing company, then i stopped listening and slouched(is that how they spell it?) penuh semangat just to let him see me that i’m also bored with him. however, the lunch was quite nice, taking into consideration that this is only attended by (engineering)students of UM, and not some fancy somebody. to put things clearer, the nasik+ayam+buah+sirap was excellent enough to counter the boring talk all morning.

program ended at around 12++.

then i went back to college, getting a ride from dewi in her newly sprayed not-so-black wira aeroback and went straight to my room, onto asrul’s bed(keeping in mind that asrul went out somewhere, being busy the way he is), and eventually dozed off for a few hours.

*owh, and about that killing spree,its about to start. so stay tuned =)*

[end of part one]

its amusing how some simple things can make a big impact on some things.

examples are too abundant.

they’d vary

from being useful for complex space science problems

to the goodnight wishes we make every night

right down

to practically everything.

some say you’d get more for less.

design-based products use simple things as a core source for new ideas.

using simple things we can easily describe the most hard-to-understand physics.

explaining medical jargons and how things work.

simple things could lead to complex things. far complicated things.

it amazes everyone how a simple thing

could create something

out of nothing.

and

as powerful as it makes

it breaks too. and wow..talk about the damage it can do..

"simple things: handle with care"

a definition for busy.
err.. i need one. can anybody help me out here? been using that word too many times already these few weeks. as an alasan to escape everything-lah, of course. its been months maybe.
**long sigh**

da lame x mem-blog-kan diri la, i think.  <<–trying to use another phrase that sounded different than it always does –<<
i even actually get some request on putting something up in here!! now ain’t that a shocking experience; got myself some fans!! (^_^")
and as shocking as it came, i did’nt reply properly though. no specific dates nor time to tell those who asked about when’s my blog going to be updated next. haven’t been in the mood-lah, plus some other ’stuffs’ that kept me company ever since the last post was put up.
enough of this crappy materials now. now i’m back blogging (just to get that lost momentum back, so read up, fellas~ =D
**wow..the pressure of writing when you know people ARE reading your blog.*happy sigh**

so sadly i guess that this one is going to be an empty post. maybe a comeback for me to the blogging blog world of weblogs..

maybe there’ll be another series on some of the things i’ve been through all this while, just to reflect on the things that made me stalled my blogging activity.
but, uhh.. where should i start?

ow yeah~

piro.

stay tuned, folks! =p

Thanks to Hilman’s wackyness to do some publicity work for
this blog, more have read and shared they’re views on it(i bet that initially he
wanted to share the kitten’s dark story, but obviously the tempias got all over
to the rest of the blog). Some said the story moved them. Some said their
friends cried reading the story. Not forgetting that there are also some who
read the whole post in tanpa perasaan. And there are also those who said
"..saje buat2 sedey; nak amek ati..". Some commented here directly. Some commented at the group discussion. Ade y buat both. And ade jgk y did’nt
respond anything at all. But, whats for sure is i’d like to thank you guys for
stopping by.

Well, regarding the mass attention given on Piro’s (the kitten.full name Piroshky.
refer previous post), here’s another post regarding the little grey kitty’s
story. But since the story’s gonna be told from my point of view, so it’ll
somehow be a story about me also. and a long one too. I think. Sorry for that. Read on.

The story begins with me thinking of what to do about the kitten, right after i
stepped out of the showers that day. “Maybe i might give the fella a bath or
something”. “Maybe give it something to drink”. “..or feed it maybe”.
So on my way back to my room i thought that first i should take the kitten with
me before anyone else does. But surprisingly, it was gone the minute i walked
out the washroom. Maybe someone took it already. Maybe someone threw it away. Or maybe it got down the stairs. Maybe it fell all the way down to the floor of
e100 while playing around the stairs. Maybe it was right in front of me but
missed it because i didn’t have my glasses on. Hahahadui laa..~~ Hmm..maybe.

Balik bilik i went straight to post the kisah after telling the story to my two
roommates.

Fast forward to somewhere around midnight, before balik bilik, i urged myself
to go look for the kitten, just to find out what might have happened to it that
day. Poor little fella. Found it curled up near the secondary stairs,
shivering, staring at gigantic human beings passing by. Tried to give it a pat,
but it seemed to be really scared of people at the moment. But then after a
while, it seemed that the fear might have gone a little bit. To cut the story
short, took it to the toilet and gave it a little scrubbing. It stink bad when
in contact with water. But a lot of shampoo solved that problem. Toweled it(with
kain buruk je), gave some water to drink, let it dry, then tucked it to sleep.

Next morning it meowed me up around 9am(haha~). Then abg Farid drop by and sponsored a kotak of dutchlady chocolate milk. It drank half
the air kotak, before hilman and me dengan rase berat hati took the decision to
move Piro outside, before little Piro does some ‘unwelcomed’ things inside our
room. Right after Piro’s basket(sponsored by Hilman) was put outside, together
with Piro himself, then it happens; started by “pinjam Piro kejap..”, Piro
continued to ‘travel’ around second college, one place after another.

End of introduction.

And the main point that I am trying to highlight here is
about the many decision makings that we have to face to continue to live. The
more we breathe, the more decisions we have to make. And to make it worse, the
older we get, the lonelier we’ll get making them(decisions). Making choices are
hard to do, but making them alone are worse. And that’s one of the most menyusahkan-est
thing to do as we grow up.

Wait. That wasn’t actually my point. Aku sebenarnye nk ckp
pasal keputusan tu sendiri, about how & why we make them and whether they
are perfectly right or terribly wrong. Yes. That’s right.

Let me give an example. From the story above, we can see
that I have to choose between keeping Piro inside or letting it go. By calculating
the logics, it might me obvious that keeping it out ought to be the best
option. Only one problem; we are humans. And our love and care for certain
things makes it far harder to make decisions.

When we care more than we actually should, we tend to
evaluate things more deeply. in a more complex-er method. usually more “..what if..” ’s are applied.

Confusing, huh?

Let me explain. **Remember that this is just an example** It’s
like this; caring a little bit much for little Piro means that I wanted to keep
it all to myself. I’d like to do all I can to keep it safe and comfortable. To
feed all its needs. But for some unavoidable reasons, I just have to let Piro
go. And after a few days, as expected, the kitten wandered off by itself. So
then days go by for e400 without little Piro. People all over ask the same
question; “where’s Piro?” , or “how’s Piro doing?”…

And I just replied “…entah.”.
 

At first rumors has it that Piro was seen somewhere
downstairs, but was somehow claimed to be named ‘Liza’ for the bangle it had on
one of its legs. Ron told me this. And then I went to look for it, but returned
with no success.

Then Hilman told me that Benjo had taken the kitty to his
room, feeding it with whiskas that he bought. I asked Benjo himself. And he
admits it. So I didn’t go rumbling off to his room to tuntut Piro back because
I’m guessing that Piro is now in good hands.

But after a few days, Hilman again reported that the kitten
was now with Amirjoe. I went to check on amirjoe, but he said that he never
kept that little kitty, and let it wander off by itself. I went to look for it,
but it wasn’t there.

A few days after that kecoh blok pompuan that Piro was found
playing along the corridor of the girl’s
room. Piro’s a kucin jantan, so no wonder la. Hehe~ kecik-kecik da gatai..chet!!

Then yesterday a miracle happened; while waiting for an
outing for dinner, I found Piroshky at the tempat duduk at the stairs of
dataran selasih. No more red paper with ‘Piro’ writtern on it. Man has he bloated. (Maybe it was just me but I think) that it
meowed non-stop for a few minutes to me until it fell asleep on my lap that
night. But because I had to go eat, I left sleepy Piro all alone again at the
tempat duduk itu..

Then another rumor started saying that sam(friendster name.a
first year student) is taking care of it right now, feeding it whiskas too, while claiming to change Piro’s name to something that sounded like excelon, or something like it. Anyways,
I’m just glad that Piro has a home now. For now maybe. Because sometimes, in order
to make the best choice, we need to let go of the things we care for. And as
for me, when I know that it’ll get everything that it needs, the supplies it
should, and the things it wants, at whatever the cost, I’ll tanpa ragu-ragu
bear the pain, just to make sure that the ones I cared for gets the best things
in life. Some of the things that I could not offer to give. Maybe something that it needs, the
supplies that it should, and the things that it wants.

Be it a bad habit that I have. Name it stupid. Whatever. I don’t know.
And I’ve done the same thing over and over again. But this time, is my first to
another living creature.

End of echo.

**author’s friendly reminder: to those staying abroad@away from their mums n dads, i recond that you do not continue reading, as this may lead to repetetive moaning and screaming from the homesick enigma.rather an emotional post, if i may say so myself. although thanks for stopping by..**

the following scene was mentally recorded at approximately 10:30 am, at level e400 of the ever so full of life University of Malaya’s Tuanku Bahiyah’s residential college. the reanactment of the scene of the crime will be played by a.akob the college’s handyman, little kitty and ezrq(bukan nama sebenar).

*..and action!*
ezrq: (yawns then pause, scratching his non-itchy messy head, stretches out arms and legs, *pause*, then yawns again)
ezrq: (grabs the towel, picks up his toiletteries, then heads out to the washroom at the other end of the corridor, still scratching all over while walking like sangat la terpaksa..)
*just by the washroom’s door*
kitty: meow..(a rather short one)
ezrq: (watches with total blankness in head, continuing his steps)
ezrq: (pauses after a while, then walks in reverse towards(or in this case, backwards) the smoked-grey kitten)
ezrq: (makes a face like he’s seen it before, but can’t remember when and where, while wondering why is it doing here at the top floor of this block)
ezrq: (noticing that a figure is watching him with the little creature, he starts to break a conversation while still mencangkung at the kitty)..bang akob..ni..anak kucin..
kitty: meow.
a.akob: ha’ah.
a.akob: mak die dlm plastik tuh.(pointing towards a black garbage bag, then removes his mask and rubber gloves)
ezrq: (shocked. big time.)
ezrq: (recalls back his memory. saw a cat carrying it’s kitten up the ceiling. more than a month ago)
ezrq: (thinking. with a ‘i-cant-believe-thats-true’ facial expression. for residents of this floor had been living through the horrid smell a few weeks already)
ezrq: bau tu dtg dr mak kucing ni ke?(now scratching the kitty)
a.akob: ha’ah. kucing tu idup atas tu, sbb die makan sisa bangkai mak die.
ezrq: (totally speechless)
ezrq: (heads back towards the showers with so much in mind, which mostly involves the imagery of the dont-look-so-bad-and-still-looked-cute kitten besides that black garbage bag. then continues to live his life)

that was the first thing that happened to ezrq(bkn name sebenar) today. thanks to a.akob, finally the truth behind the smell lingering near the washroom entrance is finally revealed, and the smell is gone after countless trial efforts by a.farid, mangge and the rest of the crew who apparently went up there halfway without a torchlight.
the fact that the kitten survived is not that big deal to me. its just that the kitten survived more than a month up on the attic, merely by eating its mother’s dead corpse somehow made me reflect on things. some may say its disgusting. others may feel sad about the poor little kitten not getting enough care. what i was actually thinking about is the mother, and the kitten la of course. question; is life really about surviving? i mean, look at the kitten, litterally eating the mother’s heart out in order to survive and grow strong and live on. being stucked up there is one thing, alongside the bad smell is another. but having to go through the whole ordeal alongside a dead mother.. and to survive with nothing at all, the poor kitten is forced to eat the mother in order to stay alive. that made me think. sedeyh gile woo.. ye la; to me it kinda potrayed of how huge a parent’s care is, even if its only among animals. and again this makes me think. of how much my parents did for me to get me here. to shape me into what i am now. again refering back to the kitten, is it’s life-must-go-on will. i cant even imagine putting myself in a situation where i lose the people i know existed that carved their names in ezrq’s book of life. never. just thinking about it makes me freak out. and for some unacceptable reason, i still never did thank them enough for all the deeds and goods and thoughts given to me. and i can’t help it that the selfish me inside still want more. and when i see that little cat, i wonder to myself; " am i eating everyone’s ‘heart’ out, just for the sake of fulfilling my own wants..?"

pathetic. so very.

so hopefully, while there’s time, to mum n dad, to siblings n relatives, to friends n foes; i’d like to reach out a big thank you for ‘feeding’ me during all the moments we’ve crossed each other’s paths. you guys(of course with the kehendak of the AllMighty Allah), made my life beautiful.

thank you.

**hhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………………………..**
i dont do horoscopes tho…

restrictions. will. precautions. enforcements. laws.
instincts. humane.

these are some of the things i was able to think on reasons of why
people don’t
do things that they don’t. but thats not my point. feeling the awful regrets on
the things that  others and i’ve done (that could be either wrong or right)
throughout the years of being a bad servant, a bad son, a bad brother, a bad
cousin, a bad niece, a bad friend, a bad member, a bad citizen, a bad person, a
bad human, i just want to question the actions that homosapiens such as you and
me took in the past, in the present, or in the future, along this very short
period of time in our lives.

so why do people do, what people
do? why? why do we?

do we want to do things we do?

is it because we have to
do it?

or is it because we like
to do it?

is it because its the only thing
we can do?

or is it because that no one
cares, then we tend to do it without anyone noticing.

is it a habit?

do we do it voluntarily,
with a happy mood; or kinda forced by someone or something to do it,
while every bone in our body feel like it weighs a tonne..?

do we do it out of the urge to
survive?

an animal instinct?

is it because that it is a normal
reaction to the current environment surrounding us?

do we do things to balance
things out?

is it because of who we are?

do we do things to be just
like others and just follow everything, or do we try to be different
in every way we could that we struggle our heart out?

do we do it because we are afraid?

is it sometimes just as a precautious
action that we do in order to ensure that we wont be afraid anymore?

do we begin to do things after
we consider?

or is it before things
begin to happen?

do we hope that the things we do
today’ll somehow have an impact for tomorrow?

or do we hope that nothing
could ever change, after evaluating the things that we have done?

is it because we don’t want to hurt
people? or is it because we want to hurt people?

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can’t we just don’t do
it..?